Let’s be honest, there have been plenty of times when we’ve been connected with people online but still felt completely alone. It’s weird, right? You can spend hours scrolling through Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok, it feels like everyone is living their best life, yet somehow, it leaves you feeling more disconnected than ever. But don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Loneliness in a Hyperconnected World
Even though we have more ways to stay connected than ever, loneliness is on the rise, especially among young adults. Research has shown that excessive social media use can actually contribute to feelings of isolation rather than reduce them (Twenge et al., 2019). We’re “connected” all the time, however, many of us are missing the real connections that make life meaningful.
The Comparison Trap: Social Media’s Biggest Illusion
Let’s talk about the comparison trap—something most of us have probably fallen into at some point. We see highlight reels of other people’s lives, perfect vacations, flawless selfies, exciting nights out, without seeing the behind the scenes moments. No one posts their failed exams, lonely Friday nights, or awkward conversations, yet we assume everyone else has it all together. A study that measured women’s moods after scrolling through Facebook showed that comparing ourselves to others online can lead to lower self-esteem and increased negativity (Fardouly et al., 2015). It’s not that you’re not good enough, it’s that you are comparing yourself to something that isn’t even real.
Chasing Validation Online
But honestly, who doesn’t enjoy getting likes, comments, or new followers? It feels good, like a little hit of dopamine straight to the brain. But the problem? That validation is temporary, and it keeps us coming back for more. Instead of feeling confident in who we are, we start relying on numbers to tell us we’re worth something. Especially for adolescents, social media can lead to low self-esteem in a time full of changes (Radhika et al., 2022).
The Decline of Face-to-Face Interaction
With everything happening online, it’s no surprise that real-life interactions are becoming rarer. I’ve even found myself texting a friend instead of calling or choosing to stay home and scroll instead of going outside. The thing is, nothing replaces in-person connection. Research shows that replacing time spent with friends in-person for time spent online can have negative impacts on our well-being (Hall and Liu, 2022). Even something as simple as grabbing coffee with a friend or chatting with a classmate can make a huge difference in how connected we feel.
The Power of Real Presence
Unlike social media, where we filter, edit, and present a version of ourselves, real-life interactions allow us to just be... us. No filters. No curated posts. Just authentic connection. In-person interactions foster trust, emotional bonding, and even release oxytocin—the “love hormone” that may lead to the good feelings we get from social interaction (Uvnäs-Moberg, 1998). In other words, real connection isn’t just good for the soul!
So, What Can We Do?
If social media has been making you feel lonelier instead of more connected, here are a few things to try:
✔ Limit scrolling time – Set app limits or take intentional breaks.
✔ Prioritize face-to-face interactions – Even a 5-minute conversation can boost your mood.
✔ Focus on real relationships – Strengthen connections with people who uplift you.
✔ Curate your social media feed – Follow accounts that make you feel good, not ones that trigger comparison.
At the end of the day, social media isn’t all bad, it’s just important to be mindful of how we use it. Real connection comes from being present, showing up for others, and engaging in meaningful interactions, both online and offline.
Sources:
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Fardouly J, Diedrichs PC, Vartanian LR, Halliwell E. Social comparisons on social media: the impact of Facebook on young women's body image concerns and mood. Body Image. 2015 Mar;13:38-45.
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Hall JA, Liu D. Social media use, social displacement, and well-being. Curr Opin Psychol. 2022 Aug;46:101339.
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Radhika Dhingra,Babita Parashar (2022). Validation on Social Media and Adolescents: A matter of self esteem Journal for Educators, Teachers and Trainers,Vol. 13(4). 114 – 119.
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Twenge, J. M., Spitzberg, B. H., & Campbell, W. K. (2019). Less in-person social interaction with peers among U.S. adolescents in the 21st century and links to loneliness. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(6), 1892-1913.
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Uvnäs-Moberg K. Oxytocin may mediate the benefits of positive social interaction and emotions. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 1998 Nov;23(8):819-35.